


38. do you believe in miracles

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [109]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:46:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: “Sestra Alison told her husband that I was not supposed to know that you were back from the ice land,” Helena tells her hands. “They said I had enough to do, with the baby doctor. But.” She looks at Sarah, eyes empty. “You are back. Hello, sestra. Welcome home.”





	

When Sarah gets to Felix’s loft Felix is in the shower and Helena is sitting on the couch, wearing a checked sweater that looks like it’s Alison’s. She’s pulling on the sleeves. She looks like she’s been waiting a long time. Sarah skids to a halt, words still on the tip of her tongue – _Fee, I need you to come with me to Club Neolution, it’s important—_ except she can hear Felix tunelessly bellowing showtunes, and Helena is right there.

“Hey,” she says awkwardly, standing in the door. “Meathead! Hi!”

“ _Sestra_ Alison told her husband that I was not supposed to know that you were back from the ice land,” Helena tells her hands. “They said I had enough to do, with the baby doctor. But.” She looks at Sarah, eyes empty. “You are back. Hello, _sestra_. Welcome home.”

“Good to see you,” Sarah says; her thoughts are something along the lines of _shit shit shit shit shit_ , one part irritated and one part terrified. She’d – she’d – it’s not that she’d _forgotten_ to tell Helena she was home, it’s just she’d been distracted. And Helena isn’t as easy as Cosima, isn’t made of big grins and hands that fit right with Sarah’s own. She’d let it shift out of her mind. She hasn’t been answering any of Helena’s calls, and the expression on Helena’s face says she knows.

“ _Sestra_ ,” Helena says, “why didn’t you tell me you were home.”

“You were busy!” Sarah says. “With your baby.” She steps further into the room, like she’s on the offence here. Helena is tugging on the cuffs of her sweater, agitated.

“Babies,” she says. “Two babies. I’m having twins.”

“Oh, shit,” Sarah says weakly, “that’s – that’s amazing, Helena, congratulations.”

“I want,” Helena says, and she looks back at Sarah, and her eyes are pleading. “I want them to be together always, like us.”

“I’m sure they will be,” Sarah says with relief. That’s all Helena’s worried about, and she can handle that, and it’s fine. She sits down next to Helena on the couch. “You’re gonna be a great mum, Helena. Your kids, they’ll look after each other, yeah?”

Helena looks down at her belly, curls her hand reverently over the skin of her stomach. “What if they don’t,” she says. “What if they leave each other behind, over and over again. Sarah? What if this is the last time they are ever together.” Her eyes dart sideways back to Sarah. _Shit_ , Sarah thinks again, weaker now.

“They won’t,” she says. “They’ll have all of us, yeah? Family.”

“Family,” Helena echoes. God, Sarah wants Felix to get out of the shower. They aren’t talking about Helena’s babies at all, and the both of them know it. _Family_ all bitter on Helena’s tongue, like tea left to sit alone too long.

“So, how’ve you been,” Sarah says. “Hendrixes lookin’ after you alright?”

“ _Sestra_ Alison says you have been back for long time,” Helena says, ignoring Sarah’s question completely. “Where were you.”

“Aw, meathead,” Sarah sighs, leaning back on the couch. “I wanted to see you, but – y’know, there’s all this Neolution shit. They’re puttin’ worms in people’s mouths, did you know that? I’ve gotta…” she trails off, sighs heavy, leans forward and rests her arms on her knees. God, she’s tired. She just – doesn’t have time for this.

“I wanted you _there_ ,” Helena says tearily, and Sarah doesn’t have time for this, and her first instinct shouldn’t be to get mad but it is and here they are. Helena is huddled in on herself, small and fragile, saying “You are my _sestra_ , and you were away, and I wanted you there with me when they told me I was having twins. But you were gone. You are always gone away.”

“I got captured by the bloody Castors for you,” Sarah snaps. “I’m sorry if I don’t have time to babysit, okay?” She feels it the second the words are out of her mouth: they’re too sharp. She regrets them. Also: she doesn’t. “Shit,” she says anyways. “Shit, Helena, I’m sorry, I just – I _just_ got back from Iceland, I’m all – jetlagged and shit, I don’t mean it.”

“You do,” Helena says. “This is the most truth you have given me in long time.” Both her arms are curled around her belly now, like she’s trying to protect it, like she thinks it can protect her. “You don’t have time for me. Not when I am not a problem.”

She’s right. They both know it. Helena’s crying in earnest, now – in that there are tears on her face. But she’s soundless. Her lower lip is wobbling a little, but she isn’t making a sound.

“I am going to go now,” she says determinedly, without looking up. She scrubs at one eye with her fist, the gesture so childlike it breaks Sarah’s heart. She should say something to fix this, but maybe it’s better to just let this bridge burn. Maybe she should just accept that there are some people who don’t – fit.

“Helena,” she says anyways, a token plea.

“Don’t,” Helena says, and she gets up from the couch, arms folded tightly around her stomach. And she goes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed.


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